I possess an inordinate amount of morbid curiousity, and that leaves me watching all sorts of bizarre things on television that would cause most people to run away screaming. However, not even I can watch Extreme Makeover, and thus Fox’s new creepfest, The Swan is completely out of my league. Fortunately, Salon’s Heather Havrilesky bit the bullet and tuned in so that you and I can sort of figure out what it’s all about without actually debasing ourselves. The really funny thing is that if you watch any documentaries about beauty pageants, you know that they’re already all about plastic surgery. The women from Venezuela and Argentina who seem to consistently win these sorts of things are about half artificial, so on top of everything else, The Swan is redundant. Oh, by the way, Heather only made it through the first three minutes before turning it off.