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Strong opinions, weakly held

Blog-media cliche report

How do I do at avoiding the blog media cliches catalogued by Gawker? Let’s see:

Best. [ultimate thing or experience.] Ever/Evar. Minor violator. I’m totally clean on “evar” but I can’t say the same for a couple of people who’ve left comments.

FTW, O RLY, lol, FTL, OMG, FWIW, btw, PWND,ROTFL, etc. Totally clean.

[negative experience, situation, or description]; I just threw up a little bit in my mouth. Totally clean, but I do occasionally use this one in conversation.

[purposefully non-ghetto statement], yo. I’ll see you in hell first.

[undesirable conclusion]. Oy. Not me.

[amazed paraphrase of opposing position]. Seriously? Seriously? Never. Looking at an archive of my use of the word “seriously,” I see that using it even once is nearly always excessive. It adds nothing.

What’s next? [outlandish scenario]? Used four times, including once in 2006. Guilty.

I’m looking at you, [example of complaint]. Never.

Um, [condescension]? Used once in 2005.

[Argument], wait for it, [rhetorical flourish]. Not me.

[Undesirable experience] made my [sensory organ] bleed. Unused.

[adjective]-y goodness I haven’t used it, but I use “thank goodness” way too often.

[any word]-gasm This site is a gasm-free zone.

[x] is the new [y]. Used four or five times over the years, without regret.

Never let it be said that I fear accountability.

2 Comments

  1. Most of these aren’t true clichés; rather, they are snowclones.

    I hate to say that I’m guilty as charged on almost all of the above. But I’d also like to say that, FWIW, Gawker Media has trafficked in this literary noise extensively since inception (and I’m not even counting the time that Wonkette–the real Wonkette–was at the helm of her blog, what with all teh assfucking references). So having one of Nick Denton’s hired bloggers telling me how to avoid clichés makes me throw up a bit in my mouth.

    RLY!

  2. But – can we still say “Fo Shizzle!” ??

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